Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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