that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
only if we run a train.
done.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Randomize
