Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
