I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
