I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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