I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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