Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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