Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
