Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
