dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
