it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
