i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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