But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
