idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
