You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
