I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
