Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
