it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize