Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
