i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
