Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
