I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
