Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
