you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
