Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
