I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
