I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
