Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
