It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
