well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
