dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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