You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
