Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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