I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
