omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I haven't been this sober since birth.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
