im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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