Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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