So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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