I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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