Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
