Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
