But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
