Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
