Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
