My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
