I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
