allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
