Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
