New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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