So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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