The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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