Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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