you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
