I don't think brook has ever known best
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
