possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
