Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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