Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
