I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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