Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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