I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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