she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
