I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
