i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
