The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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